Not fair to either of us

Adelaide is six months old now, and has yet to fall asleep on her own. She either requires to be nursing, on a car ride, or being rocked by her daddy (me). Now that she has cut her first two teeth (and is over her very first cold), we've decided it's time to try to lay her down to sleep by herself. Most parents will tell you that this involves some crying for the first few times you try it. I thought I was prepared. I was not.

Now, one of my favorite things to do with my baby girl is rock her to sleep. And by "rock," I don't mean quietly in a rocking chair. I mean the other kind of rock. And by that, I don't mean a large stone either. When Adelaide gets sleepy, I take her into the basement and turn on some music. I usually turn on something soft like Collective Soul or Billy Joel, and I have Windows Media Player set to display colorful patterns across the screen as the music plays. Then I turn the lights down and "dance" with her, holding her in my arms, humming or singing along with the music. She usually stares at the screen, mesmerized, and after a few songs, her head is resting comfortably on my shoulder, her eyes closed.

I've been doing this since the week she came home from the hospital. It's one of the warmest and most bonding activities we have together, and she has grown to love it too. When we sit in front of the computer and I pick the songs, she gets excited, her arms waving about. Sometimes I hold her up on my lap, and we have some fun with her dancing before I take her up into my arms.

Anyway, today I almost made a huge mistake. Following our new philosophy, I saw her getting tired, so I cued up some Collective Soul on her mp3 player (it has a built-in speaker), and laid her in her crib. She protested a little at first, but I laid on the bed across the room from her, telling her it's ok and shushing her. After fifteen agonizing minutes went by, her tears were running back into her ears. Her pleading cries seemed to say "Daddy! I miss you! I'm all alone in here! I haven't seen you in four days! I need you to hold me!"

I couldn't take it any more. Why should it have to be this way? They're only little for so long, and before you know it, they're going on dates and having kids of their own (hopefully with a wedding somewhere in between). Why should I deprive myself of something I love to do with my daughter? Why should I deprive her of it as well, when I know that some day she will not need me in this way? Well forget it! I'm going to dance with my baby girl every night she needs help getting to sleep, until she decides to tell me with her own voice that she no longer wishes me too. And if that time doesn't come until she's 29, then that's just fine with me.